Thursday, May 26, 2011
Mennonite Disccusion#12
Rhoda freely discusses the problems in her marriage, and how poorly her husband sometimes treated her. Looking back on it, however, she thinks that she probably still would have married him regardless. She asks, “Is it ever really a waste of time to love someone, truly and deeply, with everything you have?” What do you think?
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5 comments:
sigh. When I read that quote it was one of my two "ah-ha" moments. In the sense that I feel this way about a previous relationship. We had 3 pretty good years together and in the end it just didn't work out. The breakup was hard on me mainly because I was the one that got dumped but after some perspective and time, it wasn't a waste of time and there's very little of it, I'd do differently.
Rhoda on the other hand -- she just never paints a picture of a good marriage or a relationship that is "worth it" What's the point in loving someone truly and deeply with everything you have if they don't love and respect you back?
bi-polar is a medical condition that can be treated and for most people managed. But she wrote about how he refused to take his medication and even seemed to enjoy the mania. (sigh) I just don't get it. I just don't get Rhoda.
Maybe if you really, truly, wholeheartedly love that person. But, is she really certain this was it?
I don't know how much you can really, truly, deeply love someone when it seems like you don't really love yourself.
I said it before, but it appears to be a situation where Nick was everything that she wasn't. Maybe she was in love with his intellect and the "freedom" he exhibited by his artistry. But in love with Nick? I'm not buying it.
I have nothing to add except ditto CAR and ditto Rita
"I don't know how much you can really, truly, deeply love someone when it seems like you don't really love yourself." Rita, I've been singing this song for a year now.
But on the other hand, I understand Rhoda.
She gave it her all. And then she gave it her all again, and again, and again. In the end, her all wasn't good enough. What do you do when your all isn't good enough for the one person you have given it all too? Cold dark disgusting days are ahead of you. Maybe she shouldn't have given so much, maybe she should have reserved some of that for herself, but she didn't and who are we to judge how much to give away and how much to keep for oneself?
I just want to chime in and say to Kim that your all was/IS good enough. Rhoda's was good enough too. The other parties involved in your respective relationships simply did not recognize all the good that either of you had to offer. And, that's a shame. But, you were (and are) plenty good enough.
As for the question, I'm torn. I have some relationships I regret, but I certainly don't regret *all* of the times I've "loved" even if I should.
However, I wonder about the over-romanticization of love and marriage this quotation implies. Love's not just about ooey-gooey, lovey-dovey-ness. I think it's dangerous to continually talk about it in those terms. It gives folks unrealistic expectations of marriage. Also, I wonder if it's ever good/healthy to love someone "with everything you have." I think when I've fallen into that type of behavior it's resulted in a type of self-emptying that consciously or unconsciously was designed to convince someone that I was good enough. Then I felt like crap and a failure when it didn't work.
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