Thursday, May 26, 2011
Mennonite Disccusion #13
Does the memoir signal Rhoda’s forgiveness of Nick? Or does the writing of it suggest that in some ways she is still hanging on to her hurt? Forgiveness isn’t often explicitly taught. Some religious institutions fall short in this area, stressing that we should forgive rather than telling us how to forgive. How did you learn to forgive? How can we teach forgiveness to our children?
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4 comments:
I don't know how to forgive. I just repress all wrongdoings until they resurface at a most inconvenient time.
This question hit the nail on the head with "Some religious institutions fall short in this area, stressing that we should forgive rather than telling us how to forgive". For me, forgiving is done once I've come to the point that I am the only one being hurt. I know that sounds terrible, but I personally believe it's easier to forget than to forgive.
I will say that this past Lenten season was very helpful and I let go of quite a bit of bitterness and resentment. I don't know how I learned to forgive....I know I did not learn it from Linden Baptist Church and I did not learn it from my parents. Perhaps I learned it from my friend, Cheryl....but that's a story for another day.
I never got the feeling that Rhoda had forgiven Nick. I got the feeling that she wrote the entire book to try to embarrass him in some way.....via 'outing' him (if he's not already out), exposing to the world that he is bi-polar, or maybe just by writing an entire book about the fact that he was abusive.
There were glimpses in the book that suggested that Rhoda might be trying to at least make peace with Nick's decisions and with her own decisions that kept her in an abusive relationship for 15 years.
I think it's more important for Rhoda to forgive herself than to forgive Nick though.....thoughts, anyone?
"Forgiveness. Such a simple word, but it's so hard to do when you get hurt. Oh I hear the weather's nice in California."
Rhoda has NOT forgiven Nick.
I'm not sure that "hanging on to her hurt" and forgiving Nick are mutually exclusive. It may be important for her to hold on to the hurt for awhile as a means of making peace with her divorce. What do you think? Am I just making crap up?
I'm not good at forgiving either (mostly because I don't really forget). I hold grudges and put up walls when I feel I've been wronged. I also find that I'm overly defensive with people who have hurt me in the past. I don't like this about myself, but it's true.
I hope to figure out a way to teach C how to forgive while still teaching her to be a strong, independent woman who stands up for herself. I have no idea how that's going to happen yet though bc S-B and the prompt are right that many religions mandate forgiveness without talking about the difficult work of forgiving. There is some theological work/reflection/writing being done in this area though. Maybe I should look into that...
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