Thursday, May 26, 2011
Mennonite Disccusion #6
Rhoda does not explicitly state that her parents opposed her marriage to an intellectual atheist, but we may infer that with their deeply held religious convictions, they grieved for Rhoda’s future. Do you think that Rhoda’s parents would have opened their home to Nick, if he had wished to become a part of the family? What should loving parents do when their child chooses unwisely?
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6 comments:
I don't know if they would have necessarily embraced Nick and all his anti glory, but it seems like the Mennonites are a very tolerant group.
Rhoda seems to have a pretty great relationship with her parents, all things considered. (I do have a skewed perception of reality, so that may not be right) I know that even if my children made an unwise decision I would still keep my home open to their undesired spouses all for the sake of my child.
Her dad's a famous preacher. I don't think that a man in good faith could have that calling, then shun his son in law.
I hate this question. "What should loving parents do when their child chooses unwisely?" Perhaps the question should read, "What should loving parents do when their child chooses his or her own path in life and the parents don't approve?"
I think Rhoda's mother would have welcomed Nick to the family with open arms. She seems to be a person who's cup is ALWAYS half full and she can certainly find the good in everyone....at least find something good to say, that is.
Rhoda's father is another story. I suppose he would have verbally welcomed Nick to the family, but I think he would have always been judgmental....and Rhoda's brothers certainly would not have welcomed Nick.
Back to the question I re-wrote.....I am of the opinion that one should not become a parent unless or until one has the ability to love said child regardless. Not that I'm trying to "one up" Rhoda, but my parents pretty much stopped talking to me when I came out as lesbian (for approx a year, things are a little better now)....and it wasn't because they thought I was gross or weird...it was because their religion said that I was going to hell. I can understand not agreeing with a child's decisions, but the love should remain regardless.
I agree with the way you rephrased the question, S-B. Or even, what should parents do when their child chooses something they do not wish for them?
Obviously, sometimes the child *may* choose "unwisely." However, sometimes parents make unwise decisions/have unwise expectations too. If a child chooses a different path from her parents (and let's face it, it happens a lot), I think parents and children should work even harder to love and support one another. I think it's helpful to imagine that parents and children might even learn from one another. I guess I'm an idealist that way.
That said, I know that if Cady chooses to go "against" me in some way, I'll feel judged. I may even second guess the decisions I made. I'll probably even head to my go-to emotion of guilt. So I imagine there's some of that going on here to. How do you relate to someone who has thrown out something that is essential to the core of your being in favor of something you find dangerous? It's a tricky thing...especially if you believe in a literal hell awaiting those who refuse to repent.
Sidenote: S-B, I'm so sorry that your parents chose to respond to your coming out by not speaking to you. I cannot imagine the anger, hurt, disappointment, etc. you must have felt as a result of their judgment. That said, I imagine that even though your parents didn't express their love to you in tangible ways during that time (which, of course, I think is totally NOT okay), their love for you remained steadfast. I cannot imagine not loving Cady. She's sure to make some choices I don't approve of (I'm ridiculously controlling as you know), but I pray that she always feels loved. I'm certainly not trying to excuse your parents behavior, however.
I think I have to go back to my statement later that Rhoda's family reminds me so much of my own, and ask myself, what would my parents have done?
My parents would have filled his plate with fresh corn and peas and tomatoes then sat him down to watch a Braves game. All the while praying for his soul.
I love that, Kim! I'm quite sure my parents would have eventually begun praying for his soul, but not before trying to convince me that he wasn't right for me. :-)
If I wasn't yet married, of course ;-)
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