"No two persons ever read the same book" ~ Edmund Wilson
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Thursday, May 26, 2011
Mennoite Discussion #3
The lover named Bob pops up with an almost incantatory persistence, like a refrain. Do you think it would be harder to be left for a man or a woman? Given that Rhoda returns to the lover’s gender again and again, what do you think Rhoda would say?
I think it'd be easier for me to co-parent/maintain some sort of relationship with Jeremy if he were to leave me for a man. It happens in the movies all the time, right?
but with Rhoda, eh. I don't know. She seemed REALLY hung up on the fact that Bob was the final straw in her marriage. When she already knew he was bi-sexual/had dated a man.
I find it interesting/disturbing that she was able to put up with all the abuse, but it took an affair to end the marriage. Plus, she wasn't very specific on whether he left or she "kicked him out" She just said that they didn't share a bed again after the late night call from Bob.
Did she finally end it? No, it was David, I think.
Also, I'm left wondering how long David and Bob stayed together.
I think I would take it less personally if Nathan left me for a man rather than a woman. In my distorted thinking it would mean that there was something wrong with him and not me....Crazy, right?
I don't really understand her humiliation that she was left for a man. She KNEW Nick had been with a man before. I just don't get it.
My perspective was that Rhoda repeated the fact that Nick left her for Bob-the-guy-from-gay.com as a bit of comic relief. Kinda like when I say something like, "sorry I haven't posted lately...did you hear there was a tornado in Tuscaloosa?"
I mean, I certainly think she was hurt by his betrayal, but I also think that at some point you know your partner is cheating....you may not want to accept or admit for a multitude of reasons...but you KNOW when your partner is not faithful. Maybe Rhoda repeats it so much to try to gain sympathy?
I do not think Rhoda felt like it was worse to be left for a man. I think she was so humiliated with herself for staying in a shitty relationship and THEN her husband left her. So, to me, it's not that HE left her for a MAN...it's that after everything he did to her, HE was still the one to leave.
I agree with S-B. I thought it was supposed to be some sort of comic relief. It got a bit repetitive at times, but I think it provided a necessary refrain. Maybe she repeated it to try to gain sympathy as S-B suggests, or perhaps she's still trying to believe it herself. Alternatively, maybe she's beating herself up with it a bit. As in, "how could I not see this before?" I know I've done that with stuff I overlooked/neglected to recognize until it was too late.
I also agree with the comic relief, but at whose expense?
I wish we knew the time frame for this little memoir (as Rita said somewhere). Going through my divorce right now, I find myself repeating things such as, "I just divorced a millionaire." Now would I have rather divorced a poor man? Probably not. I'd rather have not been in the situation where divorce was the best viable option for all involved. Would Rhoda have preferred to be left for a woman? I'm not sure. But would we have had this question if Rhoda had continually written "He left me for a blonde bitch with fake tits" or "He left me for the girl in HR" or "He left me stranded in Alabama without a vehicle?"
If Rhoda is anything like me, and i suspect she is! Her real statement was "He left me." She simply filled in the blank.
6 comments:
I think it'd be easier for me to co-parent/maintain some sort of relationship with Jeremy if he were to leave me for a man. It happens in the movies all the time, right?
but with Rhoda, eh. I don't know. She seemed REALLY hung up on the fact that Bob was the final straw in her marriage. When she already knew he was bi-sexual/had dated a man.
I find it interesting/disturbing that she was able to put up with all the abuse, but it took an affair to end the marriage. Plus, she wasn't very specific on whether he left or she "kicked him out" She just said that they didn't share a bed again after the late night call from Bob.
Did she finally end it? No, it was David, I think.
Also, I'm left wondering how long David and Bob stayed together.
I think I would take it less personally if Nathan left me for a man rather than a woman. In my distorted thinking it would mean that there was something wrong with him and not me....Crazy, right?
I don't really understand her humiliation that she was left for a man. She KNEW Nick had been with a man before. I just don't get it.
My perspective was that Rhoda repeated the fact that Nick left her for Bob-the-guy-from-gay.com as a bit of comic relief. Kinda like when I say something like, "sorry I haven't posted lately...did you hear there was a tornado in Tuscaloosa?"
I mean, I certainly think she was hurt by his betrayal, but I also think that at some point you know your partner is cheating....you may not want to accept or admit for a multitude of reasons...but you KNOW when your partner is not faithful. Maybe Rhoda repeats it so much to try to gain sympathy?
I do not think Rhoda felt like it was worse to be left for a man. I think she was so humiliated with herself for staying in a shitty relationship and THEN her husband left her. So, to me, it's not that HE left her for a MAN...it's that after everything he did to her, HE was still the one to leave.
I agree with S-B. I thought it was supposed to be some sort of comic relief. It got a bit repetitive at times, but I think it provided a necessary refrain. Maybe she repeated it to try to gain sympathy as S-B suggests, or perhaps she's still trying to believe it herself. Alternatively, maybe she's beating herself up with it a bit. As in, "how could I not see this before?" I know I've done that with stuff I overlooked/neglected to recognize until it was too late.
I also agree with the comic relief, but at whose expense?
I wish we knew the time frame for this little memoir (as Rita said somewhere). Going through my divorce right now, I find myself repeating things such as, "I just divorced a millionaire." Now would I have rather divorced a poor man? Probably not. I'd rather have not been in the situation where divorce was the best viable option for all involved. Would Rhoda have preferred to be left for a woman? I'm not sure. But would we have had this question if Rhoda had continually written "He left me for a blonde bitch with fake tits" or "He left me for the girl in HR" or "He left me stranded in Alabama without a vehicle?"
If Rhoda is anything like me, and i suspect she is! Her real statement was "He left me." She simply filled in the blank.
Wow. I like Kim's answer best. Hmm...maybe "like is not the right word...you know what I mean.
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